I saw somewhere on instagram that “you don’t work on your relationship. You work on yourself and the relationship gets better as a result”, and it made so much sense to me. With communication for instance; Because it’s not simply the willingness to talk it out while they listen or vice versa. It is also what goes on behind the scenes; in our minds, in our body; in our voice — it’s all the layers combined.

Seeing it as just talking ignores the complexities of our minds; the cognitive distortions hindering comprehension, core wound’s preventing vulnerability, authenticity and subsequently intimacy. One party trying to say all the right things to avoid abandonment or rejection, and the other party keenly listening and suppressing any negative feedback bc peace must reign.

I am a believer now more than ever that good relationships take work (not suffering). Healthy relationships; not just romantic relationships will stretch you; it will hold up the mirror to all the worn out undersized ideas you’ve been squeezing into for years. If you allow it, you’ll be better for it — to be able to welcome changes in the way you think and behave, in the way you perceive the world; it is ALOT — but it is worth it.

So maybe as we heal other areas of our lives, we don’t forget to look into the way we think, process things, and express ourselves. Willingness to talk, or listen isn’t where communication ends — that’s where it starts.

Less of the “what” and more of the “how”.